#he always goes back to the same patterns i know he doesn't change bc i've been begging him to for fucking years
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what do you do when your boyfriend sucks ass and you feel unloved and inferior all the time and you hate what you've become and he probably does too and you know it's all because of him because you changed for him and he hasn't changed at all
#he says one thing does something else kind of vibe#irresponsible unreliable its so hard for me to hold his attention#i wish that when we broke up when i was like 18 we never made up and i could have moved on to something better and also kept my friends too#im just so angry why did i have to get stuck with this i feel like i deserve a love better than this#i just want to feel like im the one and i matter and we can grow together and i can make choices not be pressured#i adapted so many life choices for this fucking guy and im so unhappy why did i do that hes literally just some guy#yeah i know what im supposed to do dw let me process my pain first#i was never this passive and insecure i used to be a lion now im just a lamb i hate him i hate this relationship i hate what its made me#idc if he sees this idc idc idc im so hurt all the time by his actions his apologies are so empty#he always goes back to the same patterns i know he doesn't change bc i've been begging him to for fucking years#I don't trust him i don't believe him i don't confide i don't want his love bc it feels so off#what he wants isn't me and that's fine but he's so lazy about it like ok then venture forth and leave me alone please#its whatever i'm already dreaming of someone else now anyways
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it's the genloss ep 2 anniversary! which means I'm gonna share my thoughts as I rewatch it for the first time in, uh, a few months. enjoy!
1. the Dread I felt at the beginning of this episode watching it live Oh Boy
2. already jamming to the soundtrack
3. "every single bicycle"
4. I love Jerma's speaking cadence as the Puzzler it's so good, especially in the first room
5. it's really interesting to me how the majority of people instinctually pick the middle key
6. the rats <3
7. THE FLIP BETWEEN THE FILTER AND REALITY IS SO GOOD RAHH
8. "another hot wheel?" "vroom"
9. I love the Puzzler's theatrics with the TV and having Rae throw a tape in before he would show himself. he's so dramatic lmao
10. "oh shit a rat!"
11. I think it's cool how each episode becomes more real. like, ep 1 was treated like a sitcom (the characters didn't know they were on a show at all, cameras were treated as if they weren't there), ep 2 they know the cameras are there, but it doesn't really click until the very end, ep 3 they're all Aware. just a neat progression
12. I've been wondering why Sneeg's hat breaks the filter in this ep when he always wears it in the first, but it finally clicked (maybe I'm just a little silly, oops). it's a break of character. this Sneeg "isn't really a hat guy" bc he's a Different Character. the hat crosses wires in a way, and that discrepancy causes the filter to break. I think anyway
13. the please hold is wild /pos
14. oo the hat goes back on in Evil Sneeg mode aka brainwash mode
15. god the long pause when Sneeg gets "reset" and the camera's focus goes in and out is SO GOOD
16. "I see the light" is out, "I'm going upstream" is in. thank you carousel fish talk
17. human sized mousetrap would go so hard (not really related but still)
18. the "it's a push" with the candy room door lmao
19. when Vinny was joining them I didn't notice Sneeg say "they gotta go through a bullet too?" lmao
20. the entire laser room is so goofy
21. the fact that Showfall can canonically teleport people is wild
22. there's at least two solutions for the long pipe puzzle we didn't actually get to do (I know because I found another one while it was on screen), and now I wanna know how many solutions there are just for funsies
23. Jerma breaking the door >>>
24. OOO in the wardrobe room Ranboo says "where should I look?" in the Same Tone they used in ep 1 when we actually helped them search. when they got "reset" (aka scruffed by an employee while walking through the door), they definitely got some memories messed up/some heavy controlling considering they're not nearly as worried about things as they were before. maybe that's why he reverts to ep 1 mannerisms. fresh reset = fresh mannerisms and speaking patterns (I definitely noticed this before but I'm appreciating it again shh)
25. also Sneeg trying to spell something = ep 1 reference
26. the wardrobe room gives DND party that took the puzzle in the completely wrong direction but it's funny so the DM doesn't wanna say anything
27. the Puzzler says he's been doing this for 30 years. implications
28. Rubik's cube moment
29. imagine Showfall casual Fridays. that'd be so silly. cosplayers please
30. the moment Ranboo locks eyes with the camera I still feel so much dread. what a cinematic moment. dare I say life changing
31. THE MALLLLLL
okay! see y'all in two days for ep 3 <3
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